The hardest part about building momentum is the very first step.
A train can transport a lot of cargo, using a very small amount of fuel. And once the train's
momentum builds, you better stay out of its way. But from a stopped position, the train can
barely move at all.
It can feel like that in your relationship. Which is why a lot of people never bother with trying to build momentum. After a first attempt to budge the relationship forward, it feels hopeless.
Nothing changed. You give up.
Most of my clients have a fairly good idea of what they want from a relationship. They can see it clearly in their mind's eye. And when they go after a guy, it shows. They focus on the end result they're going for.
My typical female client is focused on making a guy fall in love with her so he will want to be
her boyfriend or husband. That's the goal.
She doesn't think about much else beyond that goal. As a result, her vision of the future limits her success. Let me explain why.
It's easiest to explain with an example. So I'll show you how this works with Melody's story.
Melody wants Jeff to see her as more than a friend. So she does the kinds of things you would expect.
She tries to hold his gaze a little longer. She looks for opportunities to get time with him alone.
She does her best to look attractive whenever she's likely to bump into him.
Oh, and she actually bumps into him once in a while ("accidentally" of course).
That's all great. The problem arises when he doesn't respond the way she wants him to.
Frustration replaces hope. Irritation replaces confidence. And those emotions affect the way he perceives her. It changes the experience for him in a negative way.
And all this happens before she's had a chance to build up any momentum at all. After a few
weeks of feeling frustration and despair, she tries again.
But she simply repeats the same process over again. Try. Get frustrated. Give up. Repeat.
It's an endless cycle of frustration. What melody needs is a foothold. Something that will let her..
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Get beyond the first step.
That foothold is something I call a "vision boost." It's where you forget about what you want
from him, and focus instead on what he's missing.
And what is it that he's missing?
You.
You and the tremendous benefits he would receive if he could ever wake up to the reality of
what you have to offer.
After all, you have a lot to offer, right? If you truly love this man, his life is going to be MUCH
better if he has you in it. That's because you want to make him happy.
You see, I only accept clients who are truly in love. I don't help people who want a boyfriend
just for the status, money, sex, or anything like that. If that's all you're after, you may not
actually have much to offer him.
But think about the value of true love...
Two people who love each other so much their greatest happiness in life comes from making the other partner happy.
When both people feel this way, a tremendous amount of value (translate: happiness) has
been unlocked by a decision to be together.
That's the value that you have to offer him. Never forget that. Because that's going to make all the difference in the "vibe" you give off while interacting with him.
It's a vibe that says...
"I'm cool, calm, patient, and completely confident in what I have to offer. You'd be lucky to
have me. And the gift I have to offer you is literally priceless."
And Here's the Really Good News
Just like he can sense frustration, irritation, and annoyance, he can also sense the opposite.
He can sense the positive, alluring vibe that happens when you focus on what you have to
offer him.
But there's more to it than just that.
Something changes inside you when you adopt this belief system. The belief that you have
something incredibly valuable to offer.
It changes the way you think. And it changes the way you think in such a way that you begin to automatically build momentum.
The way you build momentum is by investing in a future you feel confident about. You begin to take small actions that reflect the confidence you feel in what the relationship will become.
You no longer make small, frustrated attempts to grasp for control. You see things differently now. He is coming to you.
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