Helping him "win" at your relationship is a great start.
The positive feedback he receives will keep him hooked. It will keep him coming back for more.
But the relationship will likely still feel separate from his "real" purpose. From the goals he feels he needs to achieve. From his Heroic Journey.
That is, unless you turn the relationship into the most significant adventure of his life. This is one of the first steps in becoming His Secret Obsession.
Remember, at the heart of every Heroic Journey is a goal. To achieve something. To protect someone. To earn someone's respect.
Men can't help but be motivated by these things. They get hooked. They want something to work toward. A goal they can strive to achieve.
Typically, this results in a "grass is always greener" outlook. What they don't have is far more exciting than what they do have.
To put it bluntly, it's a big reason why men stray.
But you can channel this desire for something more. You can channel it back into your relationship. And it's not that difficult.
Consider what a "grass is always greener" outlook is about at its core. Desire. Hopes. Dreams.
If he doesn't have something to hope and dream about in his life with you, he will find it elsewhere. And then he will embark on a "journey" to achieve those hopes and dreams. A journey that might involve you being left behind.
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Unless you channel those desires. Unless you make your future together the "greener grass" he can seek.
Here's how: deliberately hope and dream together.
You do this by regularly setting goals you want to meet as a couple.
Said in such a dry, straightforward way, that probably sounds really boring. But trust me it won't be.
Allow me to elaborate.
In his heart of hearts, there are many things your man cares deeply about. I'm talking about very strong desires. Desires he doesn't share many people. He may not even consciously understand some of his own deep desires.
But pursuing these things can make him feel truly alive. Happy. Accomplished. Heroic.
The specifics are different for every man.
Your guy might feel a deep need for his own space away from it all. A house in the country where he has total control over his domain. Where neighbors are a mile away. Or he could hunger for freedom from responsibility and the time to do what he wants.
Maybe he wants to go places. See new things. Explore. Experience the world.
Whatever really matters to him, it's your job to discover it. And there are methods to do just that.
I explore these methods in His Secret Obsession, a relationship course I created to help women. Because you can't really tie your relationship to his journey until you uncover the things he cares about most.
They are your window into his world. Into what makes him tick. Into what motivates him at the center of his being.
For the sake of this report, though, we're going to jump past that. We're going to assume that you know at least one desire that energizes him.
Here's how you pair that knowledge with goal-setting to really win his heart.
Let's say he wants something relatively simple: more time to do what he wants.
In that case, sit down and talk about specific things both of you can do to help him achieve this goal.
First, list all the time-consuming tasks each of you do. Cleaning the house or apartment.
Mowing the lawn. Driving to work. Filing taxes.
Brainstorm ways to trade money for time. Could you pay someone to take a few time-sucking tasks off your plates?
Determine whether it's worth it. Take it seriously. Calculate how much time each task takes.
And how much someone would charge.
Time is one of the few things you can't get more of in life. Finding ways to free up more of your time can create an amazing feeling of happiness. Especially if it's one of his deepest desires. You may notice that I suggested listing all the tasks each of you do.
Here's why.
I want you to free up time on both of your schedules. Not because you expect him to spend all his newfound free time on you. And not because you're going to try to talk him into it either.
But because if you're free, too, he can spend more time with you. And if you're doing a good job helping him get that winning-at-life feeling, he won't need convincing to do so. He'll want more time around you. It's also important to try to look at this in a big picture way.
So far, the things I've written about are represent small steps toward a long term goal. Incremental progress is important. But there's something else to consider.
Having a big, ultimate goal at the end of the rainbow is very important. It bonds you together in a special way. Because it links your future with his.
For the couple that wants more time, this ultimate goal might be a goal-date when you'll plan to take off an entire year to sail the caribbean together. Or it might be the point in time when you have reduced debt enough to pay off a shared residence and take semi-retirement early.
The point is that you want to actively engage him in discussion of his dreams and desires.
And then treat those goals as if they are a perfectly natural part of your shared relationship. Because making each other happy should be a big part of what you do for someone you love.
By doing all of this, you are turning your relationship (and therefore yourself!) into the most significant part of his Heroic Journey.
You're showing him that he can go on a Heroic Journey with you. That you want to be his partner. That being with you will actually help him to become the hero he secretly wants to be.
And you can bet he'll be "ready" for that!
In fact, he won't just be ready... he'll be fascinated. He won't be able to get enough of the rush you provide him.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many more ways you can tap into his Heroic Instinct. There is so much more you can do to become his secret obsession.
Interested in learning more? Then please check out the relationship guide, His Secret Obsession. It's a guide to the journey you're on with your man. And I'd love to share with you.